"I know its bizarre that I don't gush on and on about someone who means so much to me.  But that's exactly why I won't.  When you say too much about anything important, it always ends up sounding more trivial than it is.  Words trash it."

[talking about sister's wedding] "...having my father "give her away" like she's a garbage bag of Goodwill clothes."

"...in a sense, all human mothers give birth prematurely.  Other animals are born mature enough to walk and seek food within hours; our newborns are small and helpless for months." 

21. The Breakup Bible by Melissa Kantor  [263 pages]

22. Sloppy Firsts by Megan McCafferty [280 pages]

23. The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl by Shauna Reid  [405 pages]

24. Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella  [389 pages]

25. Better: A Surgeon's Notes on Performance by Atul Gawande  [273 pages]

26. Фокус-Покус От Василисы Ужасной by Дарья Донцовa  [376 pages]

27. Чудеса В Кастрюльке by Дарья Донцовa  [320 pages]


Pages: 9,403/30,000 = 31.34%
Books: 27/90 = 30.00%
Average pages per book: 348.36/333.33 = 104.48%
Days: 194/365 = 53.15%

19. Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult  [404 pages]

20. Канкан На Поминках by Дарья Донцовa  [364 pages]



Pages: 7,097/30,000 = 23.66%
Books: 20/90 = 22.22%
Average pages per book: 354.85/333.33 = 106.46%
Days: 145/365 = 39.73%

Honestly, there was just too much incredible stuff in this book to write it all down, so I only have two.

"...he swings me into his arms and so high that the sun kisses blisters onto the soles of my feet."

"...eyes the color of thunderstorms."


Jodi Picoult is quickly on her way to becoming my favorite author. She just has an amazing ability to wind words into something powerful and emotional and beautiful.

14. Size 12 Is Not Fat by Sarah Dessen  [345 pages]

15. Любимые Забавы Папы Карло by Дарья Донцовa  [376 pages]

16. Урожай Ядовитых Ягодок by Дарья Донцовa  [360 pages]

17. Муха В Самолете by Дарья Донцовa  [376 pages]

18. Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult  [418 pages]



Pages: 6,329/30,000 = 21.10%
Books: 18/90 = 20.00%
Average pages per book: 351.61/333.33 = 105.48%
Days: 137/365 = 37.53%

Miles: 3.86
Calories: 592

Miles: 3.74
Calories: 542

13. Черт Из Табакерки by Дарья Донцовa  [374 pages]

Pages: 4,454/30,000 = 14.85%
Books: 13/90 = 14.44%
Average pages per book: 342.62/333.33 = 102.79%
Days: 104/365 = 28.49%

Miles: 3.63
Calories: 513

Ughhhh I can't sleep. My back/right side are bothering me so much. I have an ice pack on me, but even with that moving or even just staying in place hurts. It's like a dull pulling ache that gets much much worse when I try to sit up or turn or anything.

Gah.

And Rob's on a weird sleeping schedule, if he's sleeping at all. He was on half an hour ago, which is pretty late. Meh. I hate not knowing how he's doing.

"...the smile of a child is a tattoo: indelible art."

"I  have only known her for two years.  But if you took every memory, every moment, if you stretched them end to end - they'd reach forever."

"It is so easy to think that the world revolves around you, but all you  have to do is stare up at the sky to realize it isn't that way at all."

"...I could no longer remember which side our father parted his hair on..."
[I was in Mod Global when I read this and I had to stare at the window for a couple minutes to get my eyes to dry up. I don't even know if my dad parted his hair. I know it was dark and curly, but that I only know from pictures and from the fact that Kirill's hair is super curly. I hate not remembering things about dad. Alex and Kirill got to spend time with him. They got to know him. Grandma usually says bad things about dad and mom never mentions him unless she's comparing Alex to him. By the way, apparently Alex is a complete likeness of dad. The only thing I KNOW is the same about them is the way they blow their noses. That's one of the things I remember about dad. But, anywho, whenever other people mention dad it's always good stuff, like his great sense of humor or his kindness. I wish I knew more about him. I wish I knew more about him from experience. I hate only remembering random things like that he shaved using an old fashioned brush thingie and soap. I want to know the important stuff. I want to know what he liked and disliked, and what his favorite foods were and just. Everything. But the one person that knew him best I'd never go to, because mom and I have never talked about dad. I just. I miss him. And I seriously resent Jay because he's filling up the space where dad should be.]

"...I weave in and out of traffic, sewing up a scar."

"I told Seven the Bartender that true love is felonius. ... You take someone's breath away. You rob them of the ability to utter a single word. You steal a heart."

"Why are terms of endearment always foods? Honey, cookie, sugar, pumpkin. It's not like caring about someone is enough to actually sustain you."

"It is hard to speak around the enormous pressure in my throat; truth expands until it can choke you."

"We are not the first parents to lose a child. But we are the first parents to lose our child. And that makes all the difference."
[That is the thing that makes all the difference. And it applies to everything that happens in life. Everything that's happened to you has most likely happened to numerous other people. But that really doesn't matter and makes no one feel better about their situation.]

"The earth's axis wobbles. Life isn't nearly as stable as we want it to be."


A great book, and would definitely go on my list of favorites if I had an official list. She writes beautifully, and I flew through this book in three days.

This book made me think of Robert. What doesn't? But. It's been almost two weeks since he broke up with me. But it feels much, much longer than that. We've been "TOGETHER" for a year and 3 or so months before that. I've known his for 3.5 years. And while those amounts of time seem both incredibly short and incredibly long, this just feels long. We've had times where we wouldn't talk for days or weeks at a time before. But this time is different, because he actually doesn't WANT to talk to me. It hurts not to be wanted, but it hurts even more to know that I'm the one that made things this way.

The more time passes, the harder it gets to think about us getting back together. It's only been two weeks and already it feels like it would be awkward if I saw him now. On the other hand, it's impossible to think about anyone else. Robert was my first everything, and I can't imagine anyone else holding me or kissing me or pushing my hair out of my face. More than that, I don't WANT to imagine anyone else.

It's hard not having someone to talk to and tell about my day. I guess that's part of the reason things went downhill. I rarely have good things to talk about, and wind up complaining about life and family and just about everything. And I guess it's selfish of me to expect a boyfriend to listen to all this crap. Which is, I guess, why I'm writing here. Maybe I should just let all my steam out in here and keep the good things for Rob. That it, if anything ever happens between us again.

Which I'm really starting to doubt.


 

12. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult  [420 pages]

Pages: 4,080/30,000 = 13.60%
Books: 12/90 = 13.33%
Average pages per book: 340.00/333.33 = 102.00%
Days: 100/365 = 27.40% Still behind by quite a bit. Right now, I should be at about 8,220 pages and about 25 books. So I'm roughly halfway of where I SHOULD be. I need to pick up my reading.

Just got back from the hospital. My uncle is in the ICU after a surgery where they removed a ton of gunk and pus from around his lungs. I guess his pneumonia evolved into something nastier, and now he's in the hospital at least until Monday. He's not doing too badly, which is a relief. But being there made me think some more about where I want my future to go. I talked to mom about this a little bit, and she doesn't want me settling for being a nurse or anything like that. She wants me to actually be a doctor. And. I don't know. I know for sure that I want to be in medicine. But after reading a couple books on the experiences people go through while training to be doctors. I don't know. I don't know if I could do that. But I guess everyone gets scared. One major thing for me, though, would be the hours. I want to have a family down the road, and being a doctor comes with incredibly weird and long hours. And. I don't know. I would want to be a stay-at-home mom, I think. I would want to be with my kids all the time and see them grow up and I just wouldn't want to miss anything. A career in medicine doesn't really mix well with that. I don't know. I still have a lot of time to figure all this out.

Went to the gym today. Haven't gone for like, two weeks. Didn't really feel like running, so I just walked at an incline of 6 for an hour. Thank goodness I had a magazine with me, because it would have been impossible otherwise. They renovated the gym and now I can't see the music channel from "my" treadmill. Bleh. It's hard to hear the music because of all the whirring noises the machines make, but before I could at least watch the music videos. Now I can't even do that. I suppose I could get on a different treadmill, but this one is perfect! It's right under an AC vent so I never over heat. It's great. I really need an mp3 player, though, badly. Also, I have this thing where I feel very upset with myself because I don't feel like I'm pushing myself enough. I know I'm not. I know I could be running faster or longer and doing more reps and stuff. But sometimes I just give up. I don't know what it is. Whether it's not enough motivation, or I don't know what. I just wish I could be happy with the fact that I'm sort of doing something about getting healthier. Maybe I'll feel better if I make this more regular. I tend to skip workout when I'm unhappy, which is a lot lately. Maybe I should just go no matter what. Maybe that'll help me with being upset with myself thing.

Miles: 3.48
Calories: 502

Those are the only things I keep track of. I know everything else I'm doing as far as reps and whatever on the other machines, but I only write down my stats on the treadmill, because I just think that's kinda cool.

Today was a rather lame day, but at least it went quickly.

Finished gluing my wooden sculpture today in Sculpture. It's looking good, but I still have to paint it. I've noticed that I really like order and symmetry in the stuff I make. It's not perfectly symmetrical, but there is a definite order to how I pieced everything together. Plus, it's on the small side, which is also the way I like things.  Everything I made in Ceramics was smaller than it should've been. Speaking of Ceramics, I stopped by there but Chewey had none of my stuff glazed, and I still couldn't find my serving platter and one of my bowls, and now my pitcher is missing too. I really wish he had a more organized way of storing everything. I will be pissed if I can't find those things just because the kiln room is a complete mess.

Watched a video on Foods, then did a packet that I finished in like 20 minutes. Then I just read a book I've been wanting to read for a while for the rest of class.

Took notes in Mod Global. I don't really even listen to Tschida anymore because her lectures are just whatever the PP says. So I just copy down the notes and I'll review them later before the test. I hate her teaching style. I hate the PP packets. We just fill in the random blanks and I don't learn anything because I'm too focused on writing stuff down. When you write down ALL the notes, like we did in calc and econ and Edberg's classes, at least it sort of helps me learn and memorize something. Tschida's way, I don't learn or remember anything. Towards the end of class we watched a movie about Hitler but since we didn't have to take notes or anything I just read some more of my book.

Talked a bit abour our law projects. Alex bailed on us, but Megan's pretty sure that Cole Spiess will be in our group. So it's just the three of us. And we haven't met together or anything yet, but I'm pretty sure we're going to be doing something with the Humane Society and Mission Meow. Maybe a fundraiser or something along those lines. I don't know Cole at all, but he seems like a nice enough guy, so it should be okay.  I think Angie is pissed at me because I didn't ask her to be in our group or anything. She's friends with Jordan, but Megan was very adamant on not wanting him in our group, so Angie got kicked out by default, I guess. Whatever. I'm not really sure I like her anymore. She's gotten very weird lately. Then we got into our debate groups. I actually really liked all the topics this time around, as they were all circled around medical stuff: stem cell research, euthanasia, and organ selling. I would have been happy with doing the pro side of any of those, but of course my group decided to do the con of organ selling. But that's okay. I'll still learn more about organ donation even if we are against it. And for the remainder of the hour we just went to the IMC and did "research". Megan and I went into the library and looked for books on euthanasia, as that is her topic, and there was a row of like 15 books on that, and in the middle was a book titled YOU HAVE THE POWER or something like that. It wasn't about euthanasia at all, but we thought it was very morbid and fitting nevertheless. And then we just looked online for random things.

And here I am, home. Mom's going to be at work late, Jay's gone, and I'm starving. Mom said I should make dinner, but I'm really just not in the mood. And I have absolutely no money, so I can't go out or go buy food or anything. Meh.

Four-day weekend, yay. I guess. Lots of reading time.

11. How to Deal by Sarah Dessen [484 pages]

Pages: 3,660/30,000 = 12.20%
Books: 11/90 = 12.22%
Average pages per book: 332.73/333.33 = 99.82%
Days: 96/365 = 26.30%

Meh. Today was a crappy day.

This morning was nice. I woke up and hung out in bed with kitty for a while.

I have Sculpture instead of Calc first hour. I'm not yet sure if that's an improvement or not.  I don't really know anyone in the class, but, I guess that's okay.  But there's this group of three guys that sit next to me, and they are ugh so immature and annoying and rude.  We went around and said one thing about ourselves, and I said I like the show House. Tohm, the teacher, said that's his favorite show, too. But one of the guys was like OMG THAT SHOW IS SO DUMB I HATE IT. I'm positive the reason he hates it is because he can't understand a word and it's too deep for him. He is taking  English for the third time because he keeps failing, and he asked one of his friends how to spell very, very simple words. Just. Ugh. And then one of the other guys was like AHAHAHAHA THAT GIRL LOOKS LIKE SHE'S MENTALLY RETARDED and pointed at this girl in our class, who I have to admit is a bit unfortunate in the looks department. But, seriously, you don't point that out and laugh. Just. Blah.

Then I have Foods II, and that was okay, I guess. More first-day stuff, worksheets, etcetcetc. It should be fun. Strand said we do a lot more labs in this class. There's only about 20 people in there, most of them seniors, so it's nice. I don't really know anyone, but at least most of them aren't immature little brats.

Mod Global was UGH today. I just worked on our assignments before lunch. Then, after lunch, I came back into the room to find that Lomumba was in my seat and he just put all my stuff on the floor. When I came in, he was like  OH, THERES A SEAT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM. He didn't apologize or anything. So I was pretty ticked off after that. And then Tschida gave us a billion pointless assignments and when I asked her a question she got all peeved off and explained it to me in her IM THE TEACHER AND KNOW BETTER voice and that just made ME peeved off. One part of our assignment was to draw symbols that represent different forms of government. So I asked her if I could quickly Google the symbols for Communism and Fascism and such, since I didn't really know what they looked like exactly. That's when she went off on this tirade and said that I need to come up with my own symbols. Nowhere on the assignment sheet did it say that we were supposed to come up with our own symbols, and, besides, that is the dumbest thing I've heard of. Why would I come up with my own symbols if there are already symbols IN EXISTENCE? So I just stopped doing that assignment and moved on.

We have 35 students in Law. Which is, really, a lot. There are no empty desks. But I know a few people, so at least it's not horrible. Angie sits in front of me, and Megan is in there and some other people I know. We just discussed our senior project, for which we have to pinpoint a problem we see that exists in the community or in the state or whatever, and go through all these steps and eventually hopefully do something about it. We can work alone or in groups of up to 5 people. Megan and Alex Neubauer are working together, and I guess I'm working with them. Angie and Jordan wanted to work with us too, but Megan protested against Jordan because she just doesn't like him. And I can tell that isn't going to work. Too much negative energy between those two. Maybe I'll work alone. That would be fine, except we have to present the project at the end of the term, and doing that alone would be disastrous.

- sigh -

I don't know. I'm in a cruddy mood.  I guess I'll do some homework and read and probably go clean out mom's car, and then I have to pick them up at the airport at midnight.

Meh.

I miss Rob.

My last night alone.

What do I do? I clean.

At least the house is pretty spotless now. Although the vacuum basically exploded on me so the downstairs isn't vacuumed. But I don't go there anyway, so it's all good.

8. Скелет Из Пробирки by Дарья Донцовa  [248 pages]

9. The Intern Blues by Robert Marion, M.D.  [358 pages]

10. All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque  [250 pages]

Pages: 3,176/30,000 = 10.59%
Books: 10/90 = 11.11%
Average pages per book: 317.60/333.33 = 95.28% (average) 317.60/350 = 90.74% (goal)
Days: 92/365 = 25.21%

Today was kind of a blah day. I woke up at 4 AM because it was storming outside. I laid in bed for a while and didn't move because kitty was sleeping on my butt, but then I pushed him off and went back to sleep for a couple hours.

We had a quiz in calc, which I was unaware of. Not like it matters. I got Jon Larson as a partner again. He didn't seem too confident in his skills though, and consulted his fancy calculator for most of the problems. I did some work, but,  honestly, I just didn't care. I want to drop that awful class. I have an appointment with Severson tomorrow to get an AR application and to tell her I'm dropping calc. She can't make me take it. But since I've waited too long because of that bitch, the only classes that are left are CAD 2, Public Speaking, and Power Volleyball. Nothing I would ever want to take on my own. UGH.

I sat next to Kelly in the back where all the advanced people sit because Deb was gone today. I stopped caring about my painting because it's just not turning out how I want it to, so I got a lot done today. It doesn't look bad or anything, but, yeah. Whatever. I just don't care about it anymore. I still have to do the nose, mouth, ear and the hair. I have two days. I'll probably finish it.

Took two book quizzes in Mod Global, then we took some notes, and did a lame pointless assignment. Then Tschida passed out this huge 5 page study guide for the district final. Apparently, they decided to give us a final at the last minute, so I have to study everything we've learned this quarter. That test is on Thursday, as well as our normal unit test, AS WELL as the book quiz and the cultural experience form. At least we had no papers this quarter.

Glazed two of my bowls and my pitcher in ceramics. Time went by quickly, which was good.

Got home, fed kitty, did my online stuff. Now I'm going to watch the rest of Season 4 of House, then finish reading two of my books, and I'll probably end up doing some calc and mod global hw later on tonight. Plus, I really need a nice, long, relaxing bath because my pulled muscle in my calf still hasn't gotten better and maybe that'll help.